


About Damn Time

by StorySpinner22



Category: Dean/Cas - Fandom, Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Declarations Of Love, Gay, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Sexual Content, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:31:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3457424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StorySpinner22/pseuds/StorySpinner22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has just killed Cain and The Mark is wearing him down.  He fears that he will slip into his fate and follow in Cain's footsteps; murdering those he loves the most.  Cas is worried about his best friend and wants Dean to let him and Sam help in his fight against his fate of The Mark.  Time is ticking and Dean's sanity is on the line.  </p><p>Desperation to get far away from those he loves, despair to give in to his fate or declaration of unrequited love...which will win?</p>
            </blockquote>





	About Damn Time

About Damn Time  
(I do not own any part of or have any affiliation with Supernatural. This is strictly fan fiction.)

Castiel, Heaven’s fallen angel, stared at the door to Dean’s room and for the hundredth time that hour, he stopped himself from moving toward it. It would be so simple to just poke his head in and check on the man who had defeated Cain hours before, and who had dominated all aspects of Cas’s mind for years. He wanted nothing more than to get in there and make sure he was okay. 

The burden of the Mark of Cain had been, and continued to be, massive. Cas longed to lighten the load bearing down on Dean’s shoulders, but he couldn’t relieve him, and he hated it. He ground his fist into his palm and fought to control his frustration.

Cas drew in calming breaths and forced himself to relax, something he didn’t find easy since regaining his grace and becoming an angel, again. He had a taste of emotions when he had become human and he found, that even with his borrowed grace, the humanity still leaked through. Controlling his emotions as an angel was harder than ever. 

He sighed. 

He truly believed that Dean deserved peace, happiness and love, not that Dean believed he deserved those things. Despite fighting tirelessly to give them to those he cared for and to all of humanity for that matter, he felt, because of what he did to earn them for others, he was unworthy of having them himself. Though, in truth, there was no one Cas felt deserved them more.

Cas thrust his hands through his hair, gripped two tufts tightly and squeezed until the pain shook him free of his vexation. 

“How is he?”

Cas dropped his hands and turned at the sound of Dean’s brother’s voice. Sam’s tall frame radiated the same anxiety coursing through Cas’s body. 

Cas shrugged and Sam looked crestfallen.

“I’ve got to go out.” He told Cas. “I wanted to check on him before I left.”

“I was just going to.” Cas wasn’t sure where the words came from, since he spent the better part of an hour rebelling against that instinct, but if Sam was going to disrupt Dean anyway…

“Okay.” Sam rubbed his tired eyes. “That’s probably better. He always puts on a brave face with me. He won’t tell me how he really feels unless I drag it out of him and even then it’s 50/50. He can be so damned stubborn.” He shook his head. “He needs to be honest with someone about this shit storm, and you have a better chance getting him to tell the truth than I do.” He looked at Cas and put his hand on his shoulder. “Do me a favor and call me to let me know how it goes. I promised I’d meet Charlie and compare notes on her search for a cure for The Mark.”

Cas nodded and watched Sam walk away with worrying glances back toward his brother’s door. 

Cas didn’t waste any time. As soon as Sam turned the corner he quietly opened the door and stepped into his best friend’s room. He padded silently to the foot of the bed and was surprised. Cas expected to find his exhausted friend asleep, but instead found something else completely.  
***  


Dean squeezed his eyes shut and shoved his fists against the closed lids. He ground them into his eyeballs and tried to block the memory of Cain’s eyes as the life drained out of them. The life he took. He knew, on some level, that he had no choice. Cain had become a monster, again, and Dean simply removed the monster from the Earth, something he had done hundreds of times before, but this time it was prophetic. Soon, he would be Cain and someone else would be snuffing the light from his own eyes.  


Dean scrubbed at the Mark on his arm, the heat from the affected area burned with quiet intensity, always there, waiting to take control and make Dean into a killer. How many lives would he take before fate befell him, and his own light went out? That is was terrified him the most, not that he would die, but what lives he would take while becoming a hunted fiend. How far would he fall into being irredeemable? 

He shuddered and scrubbed at his eyes. Sweat molded his black tee shirt to his chest. The strength of his tensed muscles outlined through the darkness of the fabric.  


Damn it all to hell and Crowley. He didn’t want to become one of the things he hunted. He wanted to defeat the fate breathing down his neck, but his strength was waning. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to resist. He knew it, like he knew his name was Dean Winchester. 

The second his hand clasped the First Blade and he felt the temptation to take it and sink it into the flesh of those he loved most, he knew time was his enemy, it slipped away, second by second, as his resolve left him little by little until there was nothing left but reaction to the disease that plagued him. He would soon be lost.  


A tear tracked down his cheek, but he lacked the energy to mop it up and for a moment he thought about letting go and letting the darkness take him.

Suddenly, a finger caught the tear hanging from his nose and a thumb wiped the trail dry. 

Dean eyes popped open, he sat up and reached for a weapon overhead. His hands clasped the hilt of a knife when he stopped. There was no danger. It was Cas. His angel.

“Shit, Cas! What?” He asked gruffly, his voice thick with unshed tears and the determination that they wouldn’t fall. He pushed his back into the cold wall, using the pain to keep his emotions in check.

“Dean.” Cas said simply. 

Dean couldn’t look at him, terrified he would see pity in those timeless eyes. He couldn’t handle pity. He knew he was flailing, but he didn’t want anyone to know how badly he was sinking. 

“Haven’t you heard of knocking?” Dean asked, his voice caustic with a hint of desperation. Please, leave before you see more than I want you too. He thought.

“Of course, I have heard of knocking. I thought you would be sleeping and I only wanted to check on you.” He tilted his head and Dean could practically feel the blue of his angel’s eyes drilling into his skull. “How are you, Dean?”

“I’m fine.”

Cas shook his head.

“I don’t think you are.”

“Really? Then how do you think I am?” Dean asked coldly.

“I think you are full of doubt about your ability to handle the weight of The Mark. I think you are on the precipice of a bad decision. I think you believe you have little choice in the matter, and…,” he leaned forward and squeezed the shoulder he used to raise Dean from perdition, “I think you are wrong.”

Dean didn’t know what to say and he didn’t have to. Cas wasn’t done.

“I think you can and will defeat the temptation of The Mark because you are the epitome of courage and determination. I think that this burden is a lot for any one person, and you should let those who care help you carry this weight. I think you should stop trying to do it all by yourself. Let Sam help you. Let me help you.”  


Dean didn’t know what to say. The idea of leaning on anyone scared him to death. How in the world could he put this doom on anyone else, especially Sam or Cas?

***

Cas watched Dean struggle, and he had to fight the instinct to put his arms around him. He wanted to take away the strain and wipe the wrinkles from his brow, but he could do nothing without his permission. Dean had to let him in.

Dean gripped his hair and pulled. Cas watched him get off the bed and pace. He swept across the bedroom from the wall to the bed, over and over. Finally he stopped and stomped toward Cas.

“I can’t risk it.” He shoved Cas, gently, but with determination. “Get out, just go. I have to do this on my own.” His hands dug into Cas’s shoulder as he pushed him toward the door. 

Any other day Cas would have left. Any other day he would have conceded and given Dean the space he demanded, but not today. Dean needed him. Cas could see it in his eyes, and he could feel it in the longing that reached its invisible fingers into Cas’s heart and gripped it tight. Dean didn’t want to need him, but he did.  


In a blink of an eye he fled Dean’s touch and stood resiliently near the bed. 

He wasn’t going anywhere.

***

“Damn it, Cas. Get out!” Dean growled.

“No.”

“Son of a bitch!” He strode across the room and yelled directly into Cas’s eyes. “Why?!? Just leave me alone. You can’t help me. No one can. I’m a dead man walking. I’m going to become one of the monsters I’ve hunted and I won’t take you or anyone else I love with me!”

Stunned silence met his declaration. Warm breath floated across the hairbreadth that separated them and yet neither of them moved away. 

Dean’s body had stopped cold, he couldn’t make himself move if he wanted to, but his mind, already spinning, shot into overdrive. What did he just say? Desperate he tried to find a way to back pedal, but his mind was stuck in one gear, and it wouldn’t let him go back.

“Do you love me, Dean?” Cas whispered.

Cas’s question saturated the air around him, and he had no choice but to contemplate the answer. 

Did he love Cas? 

The answer was simple, absolute and a truth he had known for a while. Yes. He loved him. 

What should he do about it was the complicated part, and the part that he never let himself dwell on. For a long time he told himself that, of course he loved Cas, he was his best friend. He was part of their family, and he usually left it at that. Though that reason didn’t last for long. A time came when he couldn’t deny that what he felt for his best friend was more than he felt about any of the women he had been with. The first time he dreamt of kissing his best friend started his fall from platonic friendship into more. Especially, when he woke up and found profound sadness with the morning light. He had decided to live in denial, but standing in front of Cas while he looked at him with electric blue eyes that begged for the truth, he found denial was just a river in Egypt. 

So, in that moment, with his future hanging from a razor blade and his best friend demanding honesty, he couldn’t lie and say that his feelings for this angel were strictly platonic. 

“I’m sorry this is difficult.” Cas lifted his hand and gently laid it on Dean’s cheek. “I don’t mean to make things worse. You don’t need to answer.” 

He pulled his hand back, disappointment shined in his eyes, stabbing Dean through the heart, because the last person he wanted to hurt was Cas. They had been through so much in their relationship, and yet they were there, together, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him, and so without thinking he grabbed his wrist before it could fall away.

“Damn it, don’t.” He growled. Dean gripped his hand and squared off, facing Cas. “Don’t let me off the hook.”

Cas searched his face, looking for something, Dean didn’t know what, but soon he nodded.

“Okay.” Cas brought his shoulders back and looked into Dean’s haunted green eyes. “Do you love me? Not as a friend. Not as a brother. Do. You. Love. Me?”

Dean searched for the courage he needed to explain what he felt in his heart, in his soul. He rubbed the fingers of the man in front of him, anxiously. Shit. He hated talking about his feelings. He wished people would just know, but Cas was waiting patiently for his answer and he found he couldn’t hold it back.

“I-I-I…ugh!” Frustrated he tilted his head back, closed his eyes tight. “Damn it!” He dropped his head forward and with fierce eyes admitted, “I love you, Cas.” The words slipped free of the vice in his mind, once free he felt relief and found the words came easier the second time. “I love you.” He said while gazing into the eyes that have haunted his dreams for years.

He pulled Cas forward with one hand and grabbed the back of his head with the other. He claimed his lips and let all of his love for the angel flow through his kiss. He thought it would be strange to feel another man’s stubble against his own two day shadow, but in this case, it felt right. His tongue asked for entrance and he reveled when Cas allowed him to sweep in and gain his taste. Cas moaned, or maybe he did, he couldn’t tell, and he didn’t care. 

He was well and truly lost. 

His fingers threaded through Cas’s well tousled hair and gripped him tighter as his body pushed him against the wall. Something clattered to the floor, but Dean didn’t notice. The only thing he noticed was how Cas seemed to fit against him, perfectly.

His hard body pressed into Cas’s matching arousal. Pleasure shot through Dean. Damn. He had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted his best friend. Dean deepened the kiss using his fisted hand in Cas’s hair to tilt his head and gain deeper access. 

“Are you sure?” Cas whispered as Dean kissed behind his ear, trailing his tongue down the sensitive column of his neck. Dean swept forward and took a playful nip at his chin before pulling back to answer. 

“Honestly, Cas. My feeling for you are the only thing I’m sure about. I just wasn’t sure what I should do about them, but I’ll be damned, again, if I’m going to stop.” He swore. “You are about the only light I have in this darkness and I’m not about to toss you away.” He finished passionately, claiming his lover’s mouth once again.  


His lover. It wasn’t something he ever considered seriously before. He wouldn’t let himself. He saw himself as his father had seen him. A hunter, a man’s man, and that meant digging chicks, not his male best friend. Right now, in this moment, he didn’t care. He had never felt like this with another person. He felt closer to Cas just kissing him then he had in all his months with Lisa. 

“Damn.” He pulled back and looked into aroused blue eyes. “Damn.” He leaned forward and kissed him sweetly, gently, with all the longing in his soul. Cas moaned and pulled Dean in, wrapping his strong arms around him. Dean crept closer still and ground his hard body into Cas.

Desperate for more he reached up and pulled the well-loved trench coat from Cas’s shoulders and dropped it on the floor. His fingers found the ever present tie and quickly stripped it, without once breaking contact with the sweet lips he loved. Next came the buttons and found his fingers clumsy.

“What the hell is wrong with this shirt?!” He growled as his fingers slipped once more. “Screw it.” He grabbed each side of the garment and ripped it apart. Buttons flew everywhere and Dean grinned when Cas gasped.

“Really, Dean.” Cas panted. “Was that completely necessary?”

Dean grinned, mischievous as ever. “Yeah, it was necessary.” He wiggled his brows. “And fun.” He helped Cas yank the still buttoned sleeves from his hands. “You know, I’ve always wanted to do that.” He grinned.

“Well, I hope you know how to sew.” Cas teased.

“Naw, you can just ‘angel’ it back together.”

“In that case.” Cas reached forward, gripped Dean’s tee shirt and ripped.

Dean looked down to see his tattoo visible to the world and his shirt tattered. He looked back at Cas who was smiling widely.

“You’re right. That was fun.”

Dean laughed, grabbed Cas’s hand and spun him toward the bed. The back of his knees hit the edge and he fell back with a bounce. Dean wasted no time. He stepped between Cas’s legs and kneeled to take of his shoes. 

Suddenly, he stopped, unsure of himself. Pants were next, but Dean didn’t know how things worked from there. He knew the basics, but the rules were different now. He was a freaking virgin all over again…again. 

“What’s wrong, Dean?” Cas asked.

Dean felt blood flood his face.

“I-I…” He looked at Cas and laughed. “I’ve never done this before, you know, with a guy.”

Cas lifted his hand. Dean looked at it for a moment before taking it. Cas tugged Dean forward and caught his weight as he fell. Dean felt Cas’s lips sweep gently across his own.

“Me either.”

It was true. They were both virgins when it came to this. 

“We could just kiss some more.” Cas grinned. “I really liked kissing you.”

Dean smiled. “You did, did you?” Cas nodded. “Well, that’s lucky, cuse’ I liked it, too.”

“Well, then why don’t we start there?”

“All right.” He kissed the tip of his nose. “Pants on or off?”

Cas didn’t hesitate. “Off. I feel uncomfortable.”

Dean looked at the arousal tenting Cas’s pants before looking at his own. Yeah, it was uncomfortable.

Quickly they shed the remainder of their clothes leaving the less restrictive boxers in place, for now. 

Cas leaned forward and pressed his open mouth against Dean’s. His tongue crept forward and teased his own. Dean drew it in his mouth and suckled gently before letting go and nipping at Cas’s lips. Their hands and mouths moved with sensual abandon; completely caught up in each other.

Shivers ran down Dean’s spine as a silky hand trailed down his back, slipped beneath his waistband and dipped into the dent above his buttocks. Dean groaned and ground his arousal into Cas’s hip while he ran his hand down his stomach; finding entrance into his boxers. He gripped his shaft and stroked his length with a firm grasp. Cas whimpered and pushed himself deeper into Dean’s eager hands.

Dean was fascinated by his love’s face. His eyes squeezed shut, his mouth slightly parted, as he arched against the bed. Cas pumped his hips and Dean felt himself harden to the point of pain. Desperate for more, he released Cas and first pulled his boxers down before he quickly disposed of his own. Naked he rolled on top Cas and settled between his legs, their bodies touching in unison. They grasped each other and moved together, the delicious friction made tension build and build until Dean thought he would explode, and in a minute he would. He thrust into Cas’s hand impatient for release and anxious to give his partner his own. 

“Cas!” He groaned as Cas rolled over and slid off the bed leaving him cold and alone. “Where are you going?” Seriously, he couldn’t be leaving, not now.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Cas put his hands on Dean’s knee and skimmed upward, his hands stroking up his hips and flattened wide over his stomach. His fingertips floated lightly across Dean’s skin making his toes curl, but when his lips slipped over Dean’s head and took him deep, sucking, Dean exploded. He gripped the sheets as the world disappeared leaving only feeling and Cas. 

He was home. 

He came back to the present as Cas kissed his way up his chest, burrowing into Dean’s neck. Dean threaded his fingers through his hair and kissed his ear.

“How are you?” Cas asked from the crook of Dean’s neck.

Dean shook his head and laughed as he stroked Cas’s hair.

“I’m good. I’m really good.” He smiled. “Hell, I’d say I was great.” The truth was he had never felt better.

Cas smiled at him shyly. “That’s good.”

“Yes, it was.” He turned over and trapped his best friend beneath him. Cas’s stiff member pressed into his stomach reminding him that his love hadn’t come.  
Well, he could fix that, he thought, as he snaked his hand down to fondle Cas. His hardness stood tall, proud and eager for release. Dean trailed kisses to his lap and wasted no time taking Cas. His mouth slid up and down his shaft drawing him deep. Cas moaned and held Dean’s head as his hips pumped into his mouth. 

Dean enjoyed Cas’s abandon and felt powerful with the pleasure he gave him. He increased his suction and used his hand to help wring Cas dry. With a ragged cry Dean swallowed his lover’s release and relished the brief pain of the hands gripping his hair. Suddenly, Cas relaxed and let his hands drop, his chest rose and fell, trying to catch his breath.  


Dean glided back onto the bed and rested his head on one hand as he took in his lover’s face. He grinned. His lover. His love. His grin widened. Cas was his love. It should be weird, but looking at the man he just sated, something he never thought he would do, he gazed into Cas’s dazed baby blues. A silly satisfied grin stretched the gorgeous mouth that brought Dean to his knees. 

Damn, he loved this man. 

“How are you?” Dean tossed Cas’s question back to him.

He smiled wide before turning a cheeky smile to Dean.

“I’m good. I’m really good. Hell, I’d say I was great.”

Dean laughed at having his own words tossed back to him. He turned on his side and gathered Cas close. Big spoon to his little, they rested together. Cas played with Dean’s fingers and Dean played footsie with Cas’s feet, and he was content. He could have lain like that forever.

Suddenly Cas turned over, so he faced Dean. Silently he looked down at their hands. Cas placed his palm flat against Dean’s and slowly threaded their fingers together. Dean stared at their entwined hands and marveled at how perfectly they fit. You would think they wouldn’t, with two large hands, but they did. Perfectly.  
***  


Cas loved the feel of Dean against him, almost as much as his mouth earlier. Quickly he shoved the thought away, he’d think about it later. Now, he needed to make sure Dean was okay. Everything that happened since he entered the bedroom was an intoxicating distraction, but The Mark wasn’t going anywhere any time soon and he needed to make sure Dean was going to use his help, because he was going to get it whether he wanted it or not.

Determined to gain Dean’s acceptance he turned his serious eyes on him. 

“I need to tell you something.”

“You already have a boyfriend?” Dean teased.

“No. Of course not, Dean.” Cas said quickly before seeing Dean’s grin. “Oh, you are teasing me.”

Dean shrugged and smiled wider. Cas was enchanted. He didn’t realize how much he missed this carefree Dean. He truly loved him. Then his comment hit him. 

“Wait, Dean. Are you my boyfriend?”

“Well, I don’t do what we just did with my friends.” Dean leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Cas’s lips. “So, yeah,” he said with a lopsided grin, “you are my boyfriend. Well, if you want to be. Do you?”

Joy filled Cas and he nodded. “Yes.”

Dean laughed. 

“You do realize this is going to freak everyone out.” Dean said.

Cas shrugged. “Is that going to be a problem? Should we keep it to ourselves?”

Cas enjoyed the feeling of Dean sweeping a wayward curl from his forehead.

“I don’t really care who knows.” Dean dropped his hand. “I’ve had this hole in me, for what feels like…forever. I always thought it was because I wished for a normal life. You know, wife, kids, house in the suburbs, working with my hands and coming home to dinner and family. But, I had that with Lisa and the hole stayed empty. Then I thought I could fill it with the family business, but that was a bust, until you. I’m not sure when it happened, it was slow and steady, the hole started to fill in. It surprised me and, I’ll be honest, scared the shit out of me. I have never been attracted to a guy, ever, but with you, it was like I didn’t have a choice. You got in here,” he touched his heart, “and you wouldn’t get out and after a while, I didn’t want you to.”

Cas was speechless. 

Dean cupped Cas’s face and kissed him hard on the mouth.

“I love you, I love the way you make me feel and I don’t just mean when you touch me.” He wagged his brows before placing a soft kiss on his lips. “The truth is, once I let you in and admitted my feelings, I felt like I was finally home. You complete me.” He suddenly dropped his head into his hands and groaned before he turned his head, closed his eyes and shouted to the ceiling. “Damn you, Jerry Maguire! No one on the face of the Earth will ever be able to use that line again.” He looked back at Cas. “Cheesy lines aside, I’ve been searching for this feeling forever and now that I’ve found it, I’m not letting it go. I’m not letting you go and I don’t give a damn who knows. If they have a problem with us, they can kiss my ass.”

Cas searched Dean’s eyes and saw the honesty in them.

“I love you, Dean. I’ve always loved you. As an angel, I used to observe humanity and I never understood feelings and how they could cloud so much. I experienced emotions as a whole. I could see them form, grow and end, so there was no confusion, but when I saw you I suddenly couldn’t see the emotions clearly. They became bigger and I found it harder to understand them. I watched you and you fascinated me, but I couldn’t explain why. When I went to Hell to get you, I convinced myself it was for Heaven, but when my fellow angels wanted to fall back, I pushed forward, without sound reason.” Dean rested his forehead against Cas’s shoulder, placing a gentle kiss to the spot. “When I fell and became human, I found myself immersed in emotion. I couldn’t see the end of any of them clearly, especially around you. It was unnerving, but I found joy in it and struggled to understand what they meant. After regaining an angel’s grace I was able to gain better control, but my feelings around you didn’t change, didn’t waver and only seemed to deepen. With you, I still couldn’t see the end of my emotion and I realized that it was love and it was never ending and true and yet I didn’t know if you could feel the same. I never dared to hope.”

Dean leaned forward and kissed him. Cas sank into the kiss and let his boyfriend’s mesmerizing mouth playfully nip at his. 

His boyfriend. He had a boyfriend. A smile lit his heart and couldn’t help but lift his lips.

“I do feel the same.” Dean said, also smiling. “I love you, Cas. I think I always have and I know I always will.”

“I’m happy, Dean,” he kissed him before seriousness claimed him, “but I need you to do something.”

“Favors already? Wow, you don’t waste any time, do you?” He teased.

Cas smiled, but found he couldn’t get it to reach his eyes.

“Dean, I need you to let me help you,” he brought his hand down to The Mark and stroked it gently, “with this.”

Dean froze. He stared at Cas’s hand, which continued to caress raised skin, in surprise. 

“That’s weird,” he said, “I actually forgot it was there.”

The joy in his face melted away and became tense.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I hated to bring it up, but one of the reasons I came in here was to ask you to let me help you. The weight of this is too great. I want to help you bear it.”

Dean pulled his arm away as if afraid to have it anywhere near Cas.

“You can’t, Cas. Can’t you see that? I can’t just take part of it off and ask you to wear it. I have to deal with it on my own.”

“I don’t mean physically wearing The Mark, Dean. I can help in other ways. Ways that you have shut down. You can talk to me and I can listen. When you are feeling beat down, I can help lift you up. We are stronger together, don’t you see that?”

Dean pressed his forehead against him still keeping his arm far away. Cas closed his eyes and hoped this stubborn man would let him help. 

Finally, Dean whispered. “Cas, I can’t.” 

The pain in Dean’s voice made Cas’s heart ache. 

“Cain said I would kill you and when the Mark pulls me under, I may not be able to stop. I nearly killed Charlie and that almost broke me. If-if-if,” Dean stopped and closed his eyes in pain, “damn it, Cas, if you died because of me…” He trailed off, unable to continue.

“You didn’t hurt me tonight.”

“No, but I wasn’t under The Mark’s influence.”

“Weren’t you, Dean?”

“No,” he glanced at his arm, “I forgot it was there.”

“I’m not talking about while we made love, I’m talking about when I found you. I could feel your pain, it was massive. I could also feel your desire to give in and let it be over. So, what happened that changed that?”

***

Dean struggled to find an argument that would lend a hand in keeping Cas away from him while The Mark held him under, but he couldn’t. The truth was he had never felt so controlled by it as he did today and nothing broke him out of it, except Cas.

“I don’t think I can. I’m too afraid.”

“So pushing me away, pushing Sam away, slipping further under the Mark’s influence, that’s the preferred choice?” Cas asked, anger radiated from his voice.

“It’s the only one I can live with.”

“That is bullshit.” 

Dean narrowed his eyes.

“I’m being serious Dean. That is bullshit. You have been “handling”,” Cas did air quotes, “things by yourself for years and all it has gotten you is a roller coaster of death, hell, purgatory and pain.”

“That’s not true. You and Sam have been there through it all.”

“Have we? Because from our standpoint you let us help up until the moment you need help most and then you push us away. They only time we have been there at the moment of truth is when we ignore you and force our way in, usually making you do something stupid “to protect us”,” he used air quotes again, “and we end up worse than before!” He narrowed his eyes, and Dean could see he was pissed. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and change your damned tactics, Assbutt!”

Cas turned away and leaned a hand against the wall his body shaking.

Dean shook his head and closed his mouth. Cas’s anger was unnerving and his words had sliced him through with their pinpoint accuracy and truth. His entire world was on fire and instead of grasping the ladder offering help from the disaster, he was running away. Cas was right. He needed to change his tactics.

Mind made up, he walked to Cas and wrapped his arms around his middle. He placed a kiss on the back of his neck and rested his cheek between his shoulder blades. His skin was soft and warm against Dean’s cheek. Lightly he brushed his lightly stubbled cheek against the velvety surface, reveling in the contrast.

“You’re right.”

“What?” Cas asked gruffly. “I don’t believe I heard you correctly.”

“Don’t be a smart ass, Cas.” Dean kissed his back once more before turning him around. “You are right. The truth is, I need you. I need both you and Sam. I need your help. I will do my best to stop pushing you away.”

“Promise me. No matter how hard it gets, Dean. Promise me.”

Dean closed his eyes and hoped that this would be a promise he could keep.

“I promise.”

Cas closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Dean’s.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Dean whispered.

Their lips met sweetly just as a knock sounded on the door. They both jumped apart and looked panicked. Dean held a finger to his lips and hoped that Sam would go away. He didn’t care who knew about him and his angel, but he would rather not tell Sam while they were fresh from lovemaking and an argument, oh, and naked.

“Dean?” Sam called. “Can you open the door?”

They stayed silent.

“Look, man, I know you don’t want to be bothered and you are going through stuff, I get it, but I’m worried. Cas was supposed to call me earlier to let me know you were okay, after you talked, but I didn’t hear from him. Just open the door.”

“Damn it, Cas.” Dean hissed before he hopped toward the bed and pulled on his boxers. He picked up Cas’s white boxers and noticed they were covered in smiling bees. He tried to suppress the smile he found while holding the whimsical undergarment, but he couldn’t help it. Cas was constantly surprising him. He tossed the bees over to Cas, who looked apologetic.

“Dean, I’m sorry. I told Sam I would call him after checking on you, but,” he looked at the bed and back at Dean, “we got distracted.”

Dean couldn’t be mad. It was a hell of a distraction and totally worth it.

“I thought you didn’t care if he knew.” Cas looked puzzled and sounded hurt.

“I don’t, but I didn’t want to introduce you as my boyfriend in our freaking underwear with obvious bed head.” 

“I understand.” Cas held a hand to his head and tried to tame the wildness springing from it. Dean shook his head, it was hopeless. He grinned. Actually he was kind of proud of it. He took the briefest of moments to enjoy Cas adorable disgruntlement before turning to the door.

Cas moved to the corner of the room, out of eye line of the door.

Dean knew if he cracked the door Cas would remain out of sight. He looked around for his jeans to pull on, but another knock sounded just as he spotted his pant leg sticking out from under the bedding hanging off the bed. 

“Dean! Are you okay?” Sam called, sounding worried.

No time. Quickly, he crossed the room and pulled the door open a crack.

“Hey, Sammy, what’s up?”

***

Sam waited outside of Dean’s room and listened to muted voices and scrambled movements behind the closed door. After a moment the door squeaked open and Dean popped his head out. 

“Hey, Sammy. What’s up?” He asked, his cheeks clearly flushed and if Sam wasn’t mistaken, a twinkle in his eyes.

“I just wanted to check on you.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks, man. Yeah, I’m fine.” He smiled.

“So, what are you doing?” Sam asked, brows drawn.

Dean blanched for a moment before clearing his throat.

“Oh, you know. Stuff. Working out, doing push-ups, just, stuff.”

“Really?” Sam tried to look past Dean, but Dean closed the door tighter, though he did spot a balled up trench coat on the floor. Sam grinned to himself. No wonder Cas didn’t call. His grin widened. It was about damn time. He cleared his throat and decided to tease his older brother some. “So, were you working out alone?”

“Um, yeah, of course. Who else would be here?” Dean blushed and winced.

“Really?” Sam said with a frown. “I could have sworn I heard you talking to someone before you opened the door.”

Oh, yeah, I was on my phone.” Dean said quickly, too quickly.

“Wow, really? It must have been on speaker.”

“Yeah, that’s true, it was on speaker.”

“That’s amazing.”

“Yeah.” He nodded then looked puzzled. “Wait, what? What’s amazing?”

“That you could make a call, on speaker no less, when I have your cell phone.” Sam held up Dean’s mobile device in triumph.

“Damn it!” He grabbed for the phone, but Sam yanked it out of his reach. Sam laughed and waited to see what Dean would do next.

“Fine. I wasn’t on the phone and I wasn’t working out, well, not in the traditional sense.” He opened the door wide so Sam could see Cas standing in the corner, in nothing but his white boxers, Sam narrowed his eyes, were those bees?

“Hi, Sam.” Cas said calmly, a blush stained his cheeks.

“Hiya, Cas.” He didn’t think his smile could widen further, he was wrong.

Dean stood with his arms folded and his eyes narrowed.

“Hiya, Cas? That’s it? You have nothing else to say?”

“Sure.” Sam turned to his brother. “It’s about damn time.”

Dean’s mouth fell open and his arms dropped to his side.

Sam laughed. “I hate to break it to you, Dean, but I saw this coming miles back.”

“What? How?”

“Think about it. You have been searching for happiness in all the wrong places. You convinced yourself that you weren’t happy because you wanted a normal life, but you had that with Lisa and Ben and you still weren’t happy. You’ve also been with lots of women, some with enormous potential to be more, and you haven’t found one to make you say, ‘that’s it’. Haven’t you ever wondered why?”

Dean shrugged. 

Sam walked forward and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

“I love you, man. You’re my brother and you’ve always looked out for me, so let me return the favor.” 

Sam reached for Dean’s other shoulder, turned him to face Cas and gave him a little shove. “Go get him.”

Dean stumbled, but caught himself and walked toward Cas on his own. He reached out and took Cas’s hand before turning back to his brother. He smiled at Sam.

“Thanks.” 

“No problem. Now, I will let you two get back to it.” He wagged his brows. “Whatever IT is. I’m going to go stay at Charlie’s and help her research. You two will have the bunker to yourselves.”

He walked over and hugged Cas, who whispered thanks in his ear, before turning to Dean and hugging him close. 

“I’m happy for you, brother.” He pulled away and included Cas in his look. “I’m happy for both of you.”

Dean tugged Cas to his side and wrapped a strong arm around his waist cinching him in close.  
Sam smiled but stopped before he left the room. 

“I think it goes without saying that if either of you hurt the other, I’ll kick both your asses for being complete dicks.”

Dean laughed.

“Get out of here!”

Sam closed the door and let the laughter from the bedroom follow him down the hall.

It was about damn time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story. Please let me know what you think. :)


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